With the sudden changes because of coronavirus, I ended up in a “new space” that wasn’t exactly “new” but the context of being here was different than usual. I returned home to New York three days after we received the email from Chapman administration that we would be moving online and were advised to move out as soon as possible. I packed up my dorm room in three days and with the help of my friends, rented a storage unit and moved my entire room into it.
I flew home early Sunday morning to New York. When I got home, I did not stay at my actual home in New York City very long because my other mom has asthma and respiratory problems and we knew he had to get her out of the city. My mom picked me up from the airport and brought me back to the apartment. I sat all the way in the back of the car the entire time because I did not want to risk getting her sick. Once I got home I took a shower, washed my clothes, and made lunch. After I finished that, we hopped back in the car and drove up to our country house about 2 hours away from the city. Our country house is located in Columbia County near a little town called Millerton, NY. We are about 45 minutes from Hudson, NY and Kingston, NY.
My country house has always been a home that I would go to during the winter or for weekends, but never somewhere I have stayed for an extended amount of time. My apartment in New York City is home, this house up here is like our getaway home. My moms bought this house years before I was adopted because they wanted a space where they could escape the hustle and stress of the city. This was their place to escape and relax again, almost like a place to rejuvenate after an extremely tiring week.
Personally, I call our house up here “a cabin in the woods”. It is not fancy but it also isn’t super super rustic, but it is truly in the middle of nowhere. When you look up our house on google maps you can barley tell there is a house because all your see are trees. Our house is surrounded by the woods. Wherever you look you just see the woods. We can barely see the sunset in the afternoon because the trees are so dense. Our house is off a main road, but the road we drive up to get to our house is not paved, it is just dirt which can be a little scary at times, especially during the winter or when it gets muddy. Our driveway is a mess and not recommended for cars low to the ground. It is rocks, dirty, and maybe grass during the summer? This sort of life and these sort of obstacles to deal with are so different than the ones we have in the city. Being here and calling this home feels weird. It feel as though it is a new space because we never spend an extended amount of time here; but since the city was so infected we didn’t see another choice but to come up here.
Our home up here is homey, but not as comfortable as our apartment. This space feels like ours but we haven’t personalized our specific rooms as much as he have in the city. For me, my room up here is truly just a room I would sleep in before I went to work at the Catamount Mountain Resort located in Hillsdale, NY; which is the closest ski mountain to my house. The ski mountain is actually on the NY – MA border so part of the mountain is in NY and the other in MA. I honestly wouldn’t spend many nights here because I would usually sleepover at one of my friends houses.
But now, when I sit at my desk I look out the window to the treehouse we built when I was a kid. I look out at the trees, the bird who sits on the branch right outside my window, and the picnic table we have in our backyard. In my room I smell the scent of Mahogany Teakwood from the candle I always burn here. It feels like home, but like an extended home. Throughout this time I have been trying to settle in and make it feel like the home it has to be for this time. This room hasn’t been updated since I was a kid. It used to be a room for both my sister and I, but she moved into the room downstairs now. Before my room had two twin beds on either side of the room, a messy desk, and bare walls with little light besides the natural light during the day.
Now I have been trying to change this room. I cleaned off the desk and cleaned the drawers out that had only been used as an arts and crafts area when I was younger. I added a tapestry to change the vibe of my room along with adding LED lights so that I can make the room feel more homey at night. I added pictures of my friends and I to the walls. I have been trying to do everything to change this room to feel like it is my space because this is now home. But, I do feel out of place here, because my family and I are used to living in big cities or being near many people; but up here we are extremely isolated. There is nothing around us, we have neighbors but they are up the road but besides them we really don’t have many people or things around us. We are so isolated that last year we had to call the fire department because we thought we had an electrical fire; it was a false alarm but the firefighters said, “Good thing you called, we had no idea this place existed before today. Now we know you’re here which is good!” We flew so far under the radar and we up here so little, the fire department had no clue we even existed or that our house did.
I have to admit it is nice to be away from the stress of the city and feel safe but living now in a small town and having to drive everywhere it is new and feels weird. We are extremely fortunate to have another house to go to during this time because many don’t have that privilege, but it definitely is weird. I talked to my moms about how they felt and my Momma Kim said, “I love being away from the city. It is finally like a time I can catch my breath. But I haven’t been away from it for this long in a long time so it is starting to feel weird. But I am enjoying it.” and my Momma Juliet said, “Well, the lack of structure is really hard for me and the relaxed aspect in the culture up here is so different from the city. But I like being able to breathe and be in nature. I just feel like I am living a completely new life.”
We all enjoy being up here because it is a break from the city, but it was weird coming back from school and not staying at my home home. I have gone from adjusting to a new space at school, back to home, back to school, and now to this home. It was been a weird year. I definitely feel like I don’t belong here. I don’t have a car or a license so I am actually stuck at the house all day. My friends up here at least go on drives to get out of the house but I can’t do that. I have never been a big nature girl and the only time I really like nature is when it is winter and I can ski or when I am on the beach. Up here since we are in the woods, we have a crazy amount of bugs and ticks. The second we walk out there are bugs just swarming your head and ticks that somehow always attach to us. That part of this life is not for me and has led to me staying in the house a lot more. I am definitely starting to lose it, but I am glad that I have been able to create this new space where I feel comfortable up here. Looking into the future this may be home for a lot longer than I want to believe, but I think with time my relationship with upstate, NY may grow and hopefully I can be more comfortable with nature and get my license soon.
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